It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
