How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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