I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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