Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
