Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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