Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
