I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
