Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
