i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
