remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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