So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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