ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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