we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
