I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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