Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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