I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
