I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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