can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
