you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
