I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize