dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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