Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
