Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
