I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
