Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
