Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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