You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
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I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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