Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dick very happy bro
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
