ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
