The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
