and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
