Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
