i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
