How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
there is glitter all over my balls
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
