I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Found the puke drawer
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
