if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
