I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
