He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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