i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
