it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Damn victory sex feels great
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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