Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
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Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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