I want to have your abortion
that's an acceptable place to lick
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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