Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
