I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
