so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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