Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
