Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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