Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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