Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
