i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
