i permit you to call me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
