Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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