my soul wont recognize me after tonight
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You made out with two different species that night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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