It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
