I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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