do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
