Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
