i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish they made helmets for livers.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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