You smell like stripper and shame
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's blow job season.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
