I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
