the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am available for nakedness
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
