Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
