I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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