I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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