dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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